死亡的省思 (Meditating Death)

死亡的确是一件可怕的事，尤其是突如其来的天灾人祸导致的大规模生命死亡。

我们人类共同生活在一个时刻充满了死亡的地球上，宇宙间。现在地球上每一天死亡的人数不低于上次东南亚大海啸死亡人数的总和。也就是平均差不多每秒死两个人。当然，每秒钟也有差不多两个人哭哭啼啼（毕竟没有经过自己事先同意与选择而）来到世界上报到，开始不断接近死亡终点的生命之旅。

大的天灾人祸，会让死亡曲线临时有一个局部的涨落。涨落过后，死亡曲线继续其四平八稳的无情延伸。如果未来有机会用放大镜看看这条没有间断的曲线，我们都必将找到属于自己的时间空间与死亡细节。死亡是如此确定的一件事，虽然暂时活著，我们心里都清楚，有一天我们要死。我们对死亡无可奈何。我们积极锻炼不断衰老的身体，以期尽量充满精力地活著（所谓活得有劲），算是垂死挣扎的一种。我们希望自己有一个好死，最好是寿终正寝，无疾或轻病少痛而终。既然是病死，想必病得不真轻。想活下去的人基本活不过百，就与死相遇。不想如此活下去的人又找不到更好的活法，于是多选择自杀。我无法认同自杀者的绝望，但我不得不佩服他们毅然决然不辞死亡的勇气。

让我们不无惊讶的一件事，正是我们对死的必然性之默许。不默许又怎么办？我们如此回答自己的心。我们的要求似乎不高，只是不要死得太难看就成。我们就好象被判死刑的犯人，希望死得体面一些，体有完肤就好。我们从天灾人祸受害者的死亡经历里，发现我们心里深处的恐惧感。我自己从别人的死，提前看见了自己的死。不管将来美容师如何在我没有生命气息的脸上化妆，我现在就深知，我毕竟终于死了，停止了与这个世界的生命与友谊联结。如果我被某种残酷的癌症折磨到生命干枯而死，我的死状，不一定比天灾人祸的受害者更好看，而且我生病受苦的时间，很可能会比他们更长更恐怖。这样比较起来，我发现无论怎样死，都于心不甘，值得抗议。问题是，向谁抗议？问天天不应，问地地不应。问人，众说纷纭。

世人不都对死有同样的看法。有人认为死不过是一个生命大观园的必需。如果我坚持不死，我就会不断地消费著这个资源有限的世界。我死了，至少不再当消费者，而且我身上数以亿万计的原子，迟早会分别找到新的暂时栖身之地（可怜原子们要这样被召来唤去的）。换言之，我死后贡献出一百多斤重的原子（当然，水分占了一大半，但水也是生命的必需品）。有人认为死是一个过渡性的门槛，经过死亡进入到新一轮的生命旅程（所谓来生）。形形色色的宗教在这一点上可谓大有文章可做。

如果死亡真的是一个门槛，进入新的旅程，那我还真可以劝通自己在战战兢兢里依稀勇敢地接受死亡方式的随机安排。看过蝌蚪变青蛙，毛毛虫变花蝴蝶等生命的蜕变，我们不难发现，转化的过程毕竟不是闹著玩的儿戏，蝌蚪与毛毛虫们若有知有情，也一定会畏缩不前的。当然我承认，它们亲眼看见好戏在后头，很可能心向往之。但绝对不排除，否认蜕变真相的蝌蚪与毛毛虫们，可能会嗤之以鼻，不屑一顾的。直到它们不得已进入转变的痛苦过程，它们仍然可能会怀疑到底。即使成了跳游双项能手（应该是能脚）的青蛙与展翅飞舞的蝴蝶，他们不一定记得自己曾经沧海的过去。

我们的世界里有这样的蜕变，可以让我们心向往之吗？

圣经宣称，黑色星期五十字架上的耶稣，向我们演示了一个生命蜕变的痛苦过程。星期天黎明曙光中复活后，他向失魂落魄的门徒展示了死而复活的生命。耶稣完成了人类历史上独一无二的壮举，死亡还真是一个可以越过的门槛。死亡固然是咒诅，但在耶稣基督那里，死亡被生命吞灭了。

死亡是这边的落日，复活是那边的旭日。

死亡，终于给我带来了一线安慰。它把守著门，召唤我越过。

我开始更乐观地走向死亡。

孩子，我为你哭泣 (Children, I Weep for You)

梦游中惊魂遇见你
(Met you in my nightmarish dream walk)
你在地的那边
(You stake out on the other side of the Earth)
我在这边
(I am stuck here)
隔着的不是海水
(Separating us is not ocean)
是泪的汪洋
(but sea of tears)

固然迟早都要远行
(Sooner or later we must all pack up and travel afar)
但如此大规模出塞
(But such massive sudden exodus)
巴山石心何忍
(pains even the Sichuan mountains' stony heart)
蜀水柔情何堪
(and tunes your hometown's rivers to songs of elegy)

求你走得
(How I wish you departed)
再慢点
(a bit slower)
再晚些
(a bit later)
跟爹妈亲个嘴
(after you kissed your parents)
拥个抱
(and hugged them one last time)

但一脸稚嫩的你
(But a baby-faced you)
拒绝崩山碎石的胁迫
(refused the oppression of fallen rocks)
冲破暴风骤雨的淫威
(and the bully of downpouring storm)
你跳出地深处的黑暗
(You jumped out of the darkness of the deep)
跑进天光普照下
(and leaped under the shining heavenly light)
世外的桃源
(into the yonder world)

悲痛中的祈福
(My prayer amid grieving misery)
折射出共同的期待
(reflects a common wish)
你答应我
(You promise me)
破涕为笑的团圆
(a reunion that will turn my weeping into jolly laughing)

Celebrating Mother's Day

The sun is brightly peeking through the window. The breeze is gently ruffling the plum leaves outside. The dark jade pasture is littered with remnants of the last few cherry flowers freshly fallen overnight. The neighborhood street is characteristically tranquil on Sunday morning.

Our kids are already up at 8 am, after watching with us, back from Saturday night church service, the "Pearl Harbor" movie till almost 1 am . They are busy going in the kitchen, chatting, cooking and cleaning. The family tradition of kids serving parents breakfast in bedroom, on our birthday weekend and special days like this, was thankfully established a few years ago without our asking.

Samuel is the chef, Sarah and Stephanie are the sidekicks. Included in today's breakfast menu is a brand new dish that Samuel invented only a day ago. We shall call it "sliced brown sausage, orange pepper and white onion". It is both delicious to our taste buds and pleasant to our eyes.

As usual, the full breakfast menu came with a handcrafted card filled with words of appreciation from three children. Sarah colorfully designed the card cover showing mom and daughter with patched paper cut. Stephanie used 15 lines of acrostic to enumerate her fond feelings for HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY". By the time she wrote for the last Y, she was imaginative enough to say: Yo-yo's go up and down, but you stay up".

Again, our dog helped celebrating the day in her own little way, by rushing upstairs and jumping to our bed to be our company. Needless to say, she got to taste the sausage, fruit salad, and a piece of sunny side up egg.

While much work of sorts are filling up our time between breakfast and dinner, our hearts are delighted on this special day.

Happy mother's day to every mother.

Reunion Under the Gateway Arch and on the Mighty Mississippi

A scientific symposium held this week in St. Louis afforded me a rare chance of visiting the Gateway Arch and the mighty Mississippi for the very first time. It also occasioned a reunion with three schoolmates.

At the opening reception party Monday night under the Gateway Arch, I literally stumbled upon a former classmate of my graduate school, 18 years after not seeing each other. H is in charge of reagent sales for the company that sponsored the opening reception.

At the riverboat party the next night sponsored by another vendor, I met a couple, again after 18 years of no contact. The couple now works for NIH, after many years in drug industry. Standing in the drizzling rain on the deck, I could not help but savoring the miracle encounters.

On the riverboat, a white-haired old man dressed as the resurrected Mark Twain greeted us. He autographed for me in the gift book "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer" with these words: Report on my death have been an exaggeration. During a dinner table chat, he explained the reason for the penname "Mark Twain".

In Wednesday night's closing ceremony at the NASCAR play ground, I met a postdoc working for a classmate of mine in Baltimore. He had two hole-in-one puttings on a mini-golf course. My classmate was said to have trimmed his handicap of golfing significantly.

Apparently, there is a lot of catch up to do for me.

Easter Reflection: Unity with God and Man

Amid the intensifying hype of Presidential hopefuls and the depressing blight of economic recession, Easter celebrates the risen Lord that offers the best and brightest hope of all mankind.

The racial divide much discussed recently focuses on the Black and White and how their votes will shape the outcome of this November's general election. Barack Obama, half black and half white, promises to unite the country. That is certainly a noble goal worth our clapping at and clamoring for. But can he do it? That is the question to be answered.

When Christ came, his first and foremost goal was to reconcile mankind to God, and in so doing, reconcile mankind with each other as well. If we judge the present division among all peoples, especially within Christendom, one may conclude that even Christ has yet to fulfill that noble goal. So has Christ failed?

Nay!

In one of the parables about the Kingdom of God, Christ clearly illustrated that wheat and tare would grow together until the day of harvest, when the tares will be bundled for burning and wheat gathered for keeping. It appears then that division and conflict between good and evil will be inevitable at the present age. Even within those who profess the name of Christ, Christ sternly warned that not everyone who acknowledges his name would enter the Kingdom of God, save those who do the will of God.

In the end, while every nation, every people, and every language will be fully represented in the Kingdom of God, the ultimate United Nation, not every individual will be united there. Those who heed to the call of unity with God will also live in heavenly unity with each other. Those who reject the call of unity with God will live in another kind of reality apart from God.

Thus, even God does not eventually unite everyone in one camp. A choice of life and death is given. Then what does it mean to unite Black and White, and, may I add, Hispanics and Asians? It seems to me that racial unity is loosely maintained on the ground of mutual respect for their not easily reconcilable differences. Unity that is totally blind to diversity (be it color and creed and whatever else) is not realistically attainable. Unity despite diversity is seductively inviting. A possible Presidency is being built on that promised hope.

In a racially segregated society, separation from fellow citizens is socially painful. In a depressed economy, separation from job and wealth is financially painful. In the practice of faith, dying to the old self that is at war with the new self is spiritually painful. In the twilight hour of one's life, imminent separation from loved ones and breath of life is emotionally painful. In the age to come, separation from God the life giver is eternally painful.

Life is full of painful experiences and choices. The way of suffering (Via Dolorosa) on Good Friday also leads the way to glory on the Easter Morning. Those of us who are still breathing live before the sunset of Friday. Those who have died rest in the quietness of Saturday. All will wake up on a future Easter Morning, some to eternal life, others to eternal death.

Measuring Richness: Forbes's vs. Jesus's Way

One way of measuring one's richness is by tallying up the accumulated personal wealth, the sort of thing Forbes magazine does once every year. Forbes has just published the roster of the richest 1,125 earthlings who amassed at least one billion US dollars worth of personal fortune in 2007.

China, not counting Hong Kong's 26, contributed 42 to the list, including 28 newcomers. The richest Chinese is Yang Huiyan at the tender age of 26. She has inherited her father's real estate empire valued at $7.4 billion. The runner ups are Lu Zhiqiang ($3.9B) and Huang Wei and family ($3.4B), all real estate tycoons. A few others became rich in the businesses of solar energies and internet. Reported in the Special Edition of Forbes magazine this week is a fellow named Shi Zhengrong who founded Suntech, the world's fourth largest solar panel maker. He is also becoming a champion for environmental protection.

A second way of measuring one's wealth is Jesus's way (Luke 21:1-4), based on how much one gives away. The poor widow was lauded by Jesus as the most charitable giver in the Temple court, since she gave all she had. Embededed in the Forbes magazine's article about Mr. Shi is a box comparing national charity. U.S. tops the list by giving 1.85% of its GDP, followed by a distant second, UK (0.84%) and third, France (0.32%), and others, Brazil (0.29%), South Korea (0.18%), Germany (0.13%), India (0.09%), and China (0.05%). Apparently China has a long way to go before catching on with the spirit of charity. Mr. Shi so far donated $2 million in China (including $82,000 for erecting a statue of Buddha at his hometown's temple) and $5 million to Al Gore's climate change organization. Ms. Yang Huiyan did better with $32 million donations last year. China had 1,369 charities at the end of 2007, a third of which were run privately.

The two types of richness occasionally go hand in hand. Most fortunately, the world's wealthiest men, Warren Buffett ($62B), and the once wealthiest for the last 13 years, Bill Gates ($58B), are also the most charitable givers. In fact, virtually all of Warren Buffett's and Bill's fortunates will end up in the Bill and Belinda Gates Foundation. I salute them for their generosity.

It is worth noting that four of the 53 richest Indians made to the top 4, 5, 6, and 8 spots. The top fifth guy is building a 27-story home. Hmm, I wonder if he will change bedroom every other week. The youngest billionaire is a 23-year old Harvard dropout (sounds familiar?), Mark Zuckerberg, founder of Facebook, an online social utility that connects you with people around you. Boy, if only I knew better, I might as well stand a chance to be ranked among the richest.

But hey, I am already among the richest, being a co-heir with the King of kings and Lord of lords. I guess this kind of richness belongs to neither of the above categories. It is definitely not accumulated by my personal effort, nor is it inherited due to blood or familial relation, but fully endowed by the grace of God. Best of all, this last type of richness is forever enduring, wholely unlike the earthly fortune.

Have you got it? Why not come to Jesus and share his richness beyond measure? Feel like a zillionaire now!

Going Green

Going red is for the health of our heart. Going green is for the health of our heart's love, the environment that we are to take good care of.

My elder daughter Sarah is one such green activist at home. Not only does she preach what she believes, she acts as well. While taking a walk in the neighborhood with our dog this afternoon, my wife told me that Sarah would pick up a trashed can on the road side, take it home and place it in the recycle bin. Recently, Sarah recycled worn out shoes at a local Nike store.

Early this afternoon, Sarah went one step further with her green campaign from verbal reminding to written cautioning. One note sticking above a light switch in our kitchen lists six green rules that we are to observe.

1. Use a reusable sponge or rag to clean up spills rather than paper towels.
2. When printing a document, use both sides of the paper and change the margin settings to an inch or lower (go to page setup).
3. Recycling one aluminum can saves enough energy to power a TV for three hours.
4. Save energy (and lower the electric bill) by turning off the lights and television when you leave the room.
5. Unplug all plugs when you're not using them. It draws energy just by being plugged into the power outlet.
6. Recycle all old sneakers @ letmeplay.com/reuseashoe to find out how to donate them to create sports courts.

On the door to our garage, we are reminded to "bring a canvas tote to the mall or grocery store; most plastic bags aren't biodegradable".

Sitting in the bathroom downstairs, I read six more points of green rules:

1. An estimated 100 billion plastic bags end up in landfills every year. Bring your own tote to stores!
2. Switch to low-energy fluorescent light bulbs. They last up to 10 times as long as regular light bulbs.
3. Clean the lint filter in the dryer regularly. A dirty filter uses up to 30% more energy to dry clothes.
4. Buy clothes made from organic cotton, which doesn't harm wildlife or the environment.
5. Instead of using the dryer, try using a drying rack. You'll save electricity and the jeans won't shrink.
6. Shorten your showers by two minutes and you'll conserve about 10 gallons of water.

I made a mental note of not using the paper tissues too liberally. Unbeknown to me then, my childhood days were as green as one could get when I used solid dirt balls to wipe after visiting toilet (a dirt hole dug beneath the ground with two parallel planks lying across the hole for crouching down).

On the door of the second floor towel closet, a note reads: Use one towel and one wash cloth per week!

Being somewhat of a sloth, I certainly have far exceeded that requirement.

A note above the light switch on the stairway asks: Turn off lights when you leave!!

Next to the night light switch, a note says with triple urgency: UNPLUG plugs when you're not using them!!!

Let's all go green and do our share to preserve our God-given environment. Let green reign.