Monday, January 28, 2008

Relive My Life for the First Time

Since my relocation back to NJ, I have experienced reverse shock in re-adaptation. My stomach felt the pain first.

No longer do I need to walk to an outside restaurant for lunch. Company's cafeteria provides the perfect cozy place in the winter season. "Cheeseless and steakless chease steak" once again becomes my favorite lunch order. At about four o'clock in the afternoon, my stomach reminds me that Mulan's group lunch on the order of dinner portion did a better job in pacifying my hunger. The lighter lunch makes me wanting to have an early dinner.

The other day, I put myself on the scale at home. The reading pointed to ~155 lbs. This meant that I had no weight gain after three and a half months of frequent dining out in Cambridge. It made my happy.

I have resumed the routine of sending my kids to school every weekday morning. At a particular turn of the road, we start praying for the marvelous Monday, terrific Tuesday, wonderful Wednesday, thrilling Thursday, and fabulous Friday. I really enjoy the opportunities chauffeuring my children to school and extracurricular activities. I begin to appreciate my wife's busy housekeeping in my absence.

I look forward to my son's regional band audition this weekend. With daily practice and his teacher's approving encouragement, he is all pumped up to defend his rank as first chair clarinetist. I advise him to focus on doing his best and not to worry about the outcome. Time will tell.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Cholesterol in the News

Cholesterol is making news. Big news.

It all precipitated from Merck and Schering-Plough's belatedly reported and somewhat disappointing outcome of an ENHANCE trial. While Zetia and Zocor in the Vytorin combo drug lowered bad cholesterol (LDL) more than Zocor alone (consistent with prior studies), no statistically significant difference was observed in modifying the plaque thickness of the carotid (neck) arteries among 720 patients with Heterozygous Familial Hypercholesterolemia, a rare genetic predisposition for about 0.2% of the population. In short, no enhancement in reducing plaque formation is seen with the ENHANCE trial.

The Wall Street took this no good news as bad news and punished both MRK and SGP stocks harshly, which lost over 20% market values in less than two weeks.

This news could not have come at a worse time when leading presidential contenders (Democrats and McCain) and major news media are training their smoking guns on the drug industry. Opposite to Merck and Schering-Plough's full page ad in today's Wall Street Journal is a critical article entitled "Pharmaceutical Industry Faces Increased Scrutiny". Quoted therein was an inflammatory remark from JAMA's editor in chief, who will publish articles "to show how they (pharma companies) manipulate the data and why we have to be cynical about them". BusinessWeek's cover story this week on Lipitor and other statins cautions, "For many people, cholesterol drugs may not do any good". Apparently, we who are in the drug industry are in a protracted uphill battle to win back our reputation of science-driven medical research.

Granted the drug industry is both science and profit-driven and has lots of soul searching and self-critique to do, the anti-pharma irrational exuberance may have under-appreciated the complexity of biomedical research which entails substantial capital investment, long cycle of drug development, and high failure rate.

Drug industry is keenly interested in finding the most valuable and profitable medicine for every major disease. To the extent of constantly evolving scientific understanding about, say, cardiovascular diseases, the drug industry tries its best, not always successfully, to correlate a particular (or a set of) biomarker effect to a clinical outcome. True, cholesterol is only one player in cardiovascular diseases. True, managing cholesterol level (bad vs. good type in LDL vs. HDL, respectively) may not have all the immediate benefits to most people. True, cholesterol drugs, like any other drug, have undesirable side effects. Still, we must live out lives according to the immediate light shone on our path. The prevailing wisdom according to the American College of Cardiology, the American Heart Association, and the National Lipid Association suggests in unison that lowering one's elevated bad cholesterol level is sound practice for one's health.

It looks like that the bad guy (cholesterol) is having a heck of a good time in this global economic downturn. Until it is tamed, the drug industry may not hitchhike with a recovering economy in the future.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Coming Home, My Sweet Home

I came back yesterday evening, capping three and a half months of long distance commuting between Garden State and Cambridge, MA.

The final Greyhound bus ride was rather smooth. I spent the five hours chatting with colleague S and a Harvard freshman, reading Wall Street Journal, and mostly napping.

I feel relieved of having successfully completed my tenure at my company's Cambridge site. S was on the phone with realtors, trying to straighten an error of market pricing in preparation for selling his house.

The Harvard freshman is a Mathematics and Economics major. Here is an excerpt of our dialogue:

"How much are you paying your tuition?" I was curious, as a father who will send the elder daughter to college soon.
"45 thousand a year. But I am on a student loan." She clarified. She has a young brother. Her mom teaches Chinese in local schools. Her dad is doing business in China.

"What is the biggest challenge for you as a freshman in college?"
"Time management." she answered without hesitation, "We are allowed to take no more than four courses a semester, that is only 12 hours of class a week, far less than in high school. But we do have a lot more homework to do."

"So what do you do besides taking class and doing homework?" I dug deeper.
"I volunteer at least ten hours a week for the student run newspaper." She said with a measure of pride.

"Did you join similar club in high school?"
"No. I just want to try something new."

"How did you decide on Mathematics and Economics as your major?"
"I was good at Math in high school. And economics is something that interests me. But I will have to work 100 hours a week in first future job, which translates into about $15 a hour, pretty dismal." She intoned. Apparently she knows the market well.

"How challenging is it for you to study at Harvard?"
"Pretty competitive, lots of smart peoples there. But not as competitive as in UPenn's Wharton where my friend is attending."

"How so?"
"Well, they only give a certain number of As to students. So students compete with each other. At Harvard, you very much compete with yourself."

"Strange policy at Wharton. If all students get 100, they all deserve A." My voice was raised a bit.
......

The most interesting article in yesterday's Wall Street Journal was about Google.org, which is the non-profit arm of the for profit Google. Four years ago when Google had its IPO, it pledged to donate 1% of its equity and 1% of its annual profit as fund for non-profit purposes. In keeping with that pledge, Google.org now has about 2 billion dollars, which is no shallow pocket for bidders from the poor third world countries. This dual model of for profit and non-profit is charting into a worthy new territory. I salute Google for this visionary corporate charity.

What if most households donate at least 1% to charity? Or, if they prefer, simply spend an extra 1% of their income. Bush may not even need a stimulus plan for the recession-bound economy. I wonder if the presidential candidates dare to ask people to sacrifice a bit more to sustain a weakening economy.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Hillary’s throat becomes mine

Packing my life in a bag,
All of a sudden I’m sad.

Tears were swelling in my eyes,
I knelt to pray at bedside.

Lord, bless all whom I have met,
Even Patriots of sure bet.

Leaving my keys in the room,
I walked out in morning gloom.

Many thanks for the drizzling rain,
Baptizing me once again.

Heading back home is my dream,
I leave behind a good team.

New challenges lie ahead,
I shall press on with no dread.

Lord, you be my shield and strength,
Lead me into greater length.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

The Last Supper

Cambridge Brewing Company is the site for my last rite, as leaving is like dying. It is also the coming out party for the group of 18. Giant cylindrical tanks of beer are right next to our table. (I am using present tense to describe a past event, as if it replays before my eyes at the moment of writing.)

Three tall towers of beer, 3.5 liters each, stand on our long table, waiting to be consumed throughout the three and half hours long party. Half a cup is enough to sedate my mind, but not my heart, ears and mouth. Colleagues are similarly all excited, not so much about my leaving, but on company stock price going south as a result of flat outcome of a completed clinical trial for Vytorin, cholesterol-lowering combo drug. Some question the wisdom of the clinical design for targeting a very small population with so much at stake. Compared to nearly ten billion dollars market loss this week, the clinical trial’s cost is really small potato. Hopefully hindsight will help ameliorate future study designs.

Sitting next to me, an evangelical Christian, are colleagues from Catholic, Episcopalian, Buddhist, and Hindu background. Our talk goes intensely spiritual. Da Vinci’s Code provides the thread of our discussion about the core mission and true identity of Christ. We touch on the topic of masculinity of the Bible translations, and gender equality. AP tells me that he has put all of my journaling into one folder aptly entitled rumination.

Fisherman’s stew (shrimp, scallop, mussel) is my entrée, following crab cake appetizer. I find myself having good appetite, despite overworked stress. Apparently, leaving is unlike dying in this regard. Three rounds of toast for my leaving are like three cups of blessing in a Jewish Passover. We also toast for the engagement of two former colleagues in absentia. A few people have to leave earlier, half stay to the end. CCC and I have to excuse ourselves a few minutes early to catch up with some additional work.

I said goodbye to the janitor. I may never see him again in this life. I thanked God for a good run here and left my office past 10 pm. I walked in the largely serene neighborhood of Cambridge. This would be my last evening stroll in this emotionally attached place. I heard my own footsteps sounding from the patchily icy pedestrian walkway. I met C, S, and J tonight at the apartment. I emptied my purse to find a paltry six dollars before giving them and a few dollars worth of quarters to S, inadequately recompensing for her purchase of food before my faith discourse with D two nights ago. I thanked them for taking me in as their roommate and their kindness during my stay since October. I would welcome them to visit the greater NYC area. May the Lord bless them.

Now that I am about to pack my personal belongings before heading home Friday, I have mixed feelings that I am still sorting through….

Mulan, Le’s, and Copenhagen

(January 16, 2008)

Today is a whirlwind day.

Amid busyness of work, 16 Chinese colleagues had a farewell lunch with me at Mulan. Many thanks for a heartwarming farewell. I will miss all of my lunch buddies. I look forward to our next get together during site visit.

Shane hosted me and our boss for dinner at the Le’s, a Vietnamese restaurant in Harvard Square. He kindly invited us to American Repertory Theater for Copenhagen show. Two men and a woman had a post-death trialogue, reflecting on the tumultuous earthly moments of their mind encounter in the mid 1920’s and then moral clash in the 1940’s. They were Niels and Margrethe Bohr, both Dane, and Werner Heisenberg, a German. As mentor and protégé, Bohr and Heisenberg were the two pillars of the Copenhagen School of Quantum Mechanics and proponents, respectively, of the Complementary Principle (particle-wave duality) and Uncertainty Principle (location and speed of a particle cannot be known with precision at the same time).

The two men developed a mutual friendship out of attraction of academic brilliance, starting from Heisenberg’s critical comment on a well received lecture given by Bohr in 1922. From 1924 to 1927, young Heisenberg studied under Bohr in Copenhagen. Collaboratively (during their long hours of regular strolling and fast-paced thinking while skiing), or rather independently according to Margrethe’s observation, they developed the fundamental principles of Copenhagen School of Quantum Mechanics. Heisenberg, at 26, returned to Germany to become a full professor and later a leader in Germany’s nuclear research.

Their friendship endured the gravest assault and mistrust on moral ground in the thick of the WWII. In a September 1941 visit to Copenhagen, Heisenberg unintentionally irated Bohr minutes into a stroll, by alluding to the morally questionable practicality of translating Uranium fission research into powerful nuclear weapon. The irony is, while Bohr on the side of the Alliance could be held partially accountable for the obliteration of thousands of civilian lives due to the eventual success of Manhattan Project, Heisenberg’s conscience and providence helped him to be unhelpful to his Nazi Germany eager to improve their weaponry. He was kind enough to win the release of a death row prisoner under his watch. This drama of conscience clash spelled out a counter-intuitive kind of uncertainty principle as played out in the theater of life.

The show was not short of lighter moments with everyday life illustrations to the Complementary Principle and Uncertainty Principle, despite quite a number of unavoidable scientific jargons. The clearly narrated trialogue painted lively scenarios subject only to the whims of the audience. The most emotionally charged segment to me was the vivid description of Heisenberg’s three-day fleeing in a war-torn Germany before his arrest for leading, fortunately unsuccessfully, German nuclear research program. Heisenberg’s patriotism had to be subordinated to his moral compass of doing greater good.

There was a period of philosophizing in relation to both Principles. It has everything to do with measurement, an unavoidable intercourse between the measuring subject (inquirer of truth) and measured object (the truth supposedly out there). Apparently, the formulation of observable quantities of objective truth is intimately intertwined with the subject (scientists and their toys of measurement), an integral part of the larger object (the cosmos). Such talk suspiciously smacks of the postmodern mantra of relative and subjective nature of knowable truth in place of the metanarrative (the grand, unifying, independent objective truth). That aside, the most provocative example of juxtaposition of subject with object is the biblical revelation about God Incarnate, God becoming a man. Therein transcendent divinity mystically puts on and unites with humanity. Or to cover more apologetic ground, I may also add that humanity which springs from divinity now finds the perfect harmony and demonstration in God-man. Theologians tell us that Christ’s humanity (perhaps including the glorified nail marks from Crucifixion), once clothed to the divinity, will last through eternity. Then one may infer that even God the unchangeable trinity in general, Son of God in particular, experiences a subtle but permanent metamorphosis in form owing to the humanity’s salvation melodrama. In a grand way, divinity, while arguably unchanging in its essence, intertwines with humanity. Truth is thus not just out there. Truth is in Him and us, unless we do not live in Truth. In fact, Truth is He, the all-encompassing Lord of all.

There is another deep moment of reflection. While we push God away from the center of knowledge, become the measure and measurer of all things, and perceive the physical world with limit set only by the Uncertainty Principle, we often lose sight of our very self and succumb to self and mutual destruction repeatedly seen in history. The misunderstanding and second guessing in the show served to remind us our fallibility of knowing others and self.

Bohr and Heisenberg saw the ravages and displacement in war time. On our way out, we saw two men enveloped themselves in sleeping bags for a cold night in Harvard Square. Perhaps in a wacky way of the universe, they were Bohr and Heisenberg who were sent to visit us tonight.

About Me

Ph.D Biochemist, Itinerant Evangelist